If a Merge night was designated just for me, it was tonight. It's almost creepy how much Jerrod's message was targeted right at me. He talked about open doors, dealing with the opportunities that God offers us, and the decisions we make. During the course of this whole message, I could only think about one thing. Missions. God keeps on giving me opportunities to go on missions, and yet I manage to keep putting it off. Last year, a door opened, giving me a chance to go to Guatemala, and I didn't go, when I knew I should have. I told myself I wasn't ready and it wouldn't have worked out, when deep down I really knew I was supposed to go. Over the summer, I thought about missions a lot. It was on my mind constantly, and it still is, every day. If I could tell you how many times I've written about it in my journal, prayed about it, etc. I can't tell you...it's really crazy how much I think about it.
The majority of the time, I keep questioning whether or not I am meant to go anywhere. I wonder if I should just because the people around me talk about it and that is what's making me want to, or whatever, or I truly want to go. At this point, and after tonight's Merge, I am fairly certain that regardless of what the people around me do or say, that I will be all up in some missions this year at some point. It excites me, and at the same time, scares me. If you would have asked me two years ago, say my senior year in high school, if I would have even considered going on any type of mission trip, I would have looked at you like, are you serious? That's not me at all! I couldn't have seen myself doing anything like that, and in some ways, I still can't, but it's definitely more than I used to. If that made sense at all...
The past few days, I have found myself Googling Haiti every day. Weird? I don't think so.
Until next time...
adieu
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